Prematurely Ending A Marriage -Should You Divorce?
How do you know if you are ending a marriage prematurely? Could the marriage be saved? Is it worth saving? Are you truly ready to have the marriage ended (and have no agenda to either stay or leave beyond love and respect?)
I loved this statement from Mediate.com so much I had to quote it: “Attorneys often equate being hired for their services as an indicator that the couple is ready to divorce. This is not so. Most couples who begin a divorce are unprepared and are often not even on the same page when they begin. It is this lack of preparedness and readiness for a divorce that either causes marriages to end prematurely or divorces to deteriorate into competitive contests.”
My Spouse Wants A Divorce and I Do Not
This is a hard position to be in. The key here is to allow yourself to process the grief, acknowledge your feelings, get support and self-care, and to keep your integrity. In other words, don’t attack your soon-to-be ex just out of hurt, anger, resentment, or whatever. You may feel out of control or like a helpless victim, yet YOU ARE POWERFUL, even in this moment.
Couples Counseling, Therapy, or Coaching
You can engage in professional help as a couple at any stage of your relationship. The key is that both individuals are willing to do the work. The goal isn’t necessarily to stay together or to end it, but to find emotional healing, increased communication, and find solutions for the challenges ahead together.
I have had individuals come and work with me on their own, which also has a positive impact on the whole family structure. That’s why I love teaching my clients Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a EFT Tapping) so much, and encourage them to use it when they are not with me- so I can help them do the deeper unconscious work. In fact, you can learn for free online here.
Model Integrity in Communication
When one person models strength and integrity and clear communication, it encourages the other to do the same. It raises the integrity bar (even if the other person doesn’t always follow suit.) Remember, how others feel and choose to react is not your problem. How you react, act, and speak is. Professionals can help you take positive power and let go of the people and actions that you cannot control. (Notice- I didn’t say like or tolerate, but to emotionally let go so YOUR energy is better.)
Before You Make A Decision
- Explore all the avenues. Take your time. Instead of making decisions from fear or anger, make them from strength and balance.
- Give me a call to schedule a chat. I’d love to provide you with resources that can positively support you and your family during this time.
- Use Emotional Freedom Techniques (learn here) to shift the strong emotions so you can make a solid, well-informed, less emotional choice.
You Deserve To Make The Best Choice. Make it from Self-Awareness instead of Emotional Reaction. I can show you how.